letter to 17 year old me...

I read a post on a blog a few days that got under my skin...in a good way. The blogger wrote a letter to herself, as if writing 10 years earlier, reflecting on what lessons she had learned and what things she shouldn't have taken so seriously. At the end she threw out a question: What would you say to your former self, knowing what you do now? 

A flood of thoughts rippled through my mind, as if I was floating in a canoe down a river of memories from the last 10 years.  Would I give myself more work and career advice? Would I focus on relationships? Should I warn myself about mistakes that, if given the chance, would be convenient to "undo." The list was unending, the memories rich and vivid.

I thought how perfect it would be, now on the near-eve of my birthday, to look back 10 years and think about what I would have liked to know when I was a dorky, 17 year old girl in the midst of a stressful senior year, weighing the decisions of which college to attend.

I could tell her that Messiah was a great experience, that it was definitely a good fit for her and she will make some really awesome friendships that will last a long time.

I could tell her that life DOES get better than high school. It gets a lot better than getting turned down for prom, or not being athletic, or not getting a role in her senior musical. 

I could tell her that all her fears about going to Spain and all the tears she cried are not even worth worrying about because it is one of the best decisions she ever made.

Or maybe warn of some pitfalls with those guys who shall remain nameless. Or tell her that she really will cross paths with someone special that loves her for who she is.

Maybe it would be good to tell her about all the really fun stuff that she has to look forward to, 

the sights she will see, people that will shape her in measureless ways.

Then I stopped to think about this cumbersome list. I realized that that 17 year old girl desperately wanted someone to tell her all of that. She needed to know what the path ahead looked like, where it was going to twist and turn. She had to figure out where she would fall down, and who was going to be there to dust her off.  

But life doesn't work that way. 

And I'm actually thankful for that!

I realized that all of these "warnings" were moments where I had to take a step of faith. I had to make choices and live with my decisions. These were the moments that shaped me and made me the person I am. You can't go back and "re-do" it because there is a strength gained from the fear and trepidation that accompanies each new step of the journey. It's what we draw on when it is time for the next step.

As much as I think I could fill a whole notebook with advice for my darling 17 year old "carisita"...I can't! 
And this is a powerful realization--because it gives me courage to tell the 27 year old me to not be so afraid of the next steps. The path is unknown, and you can't see around the next curve--but that is just the moment where it starts to get interesting!

gchat liiiife

she's the one that helps me make it through the day. she gets me. she is my other half.
to her i dedicate this post!

E:  I'm putting on my big girl pants and working now
Just thought you should know

me:  haha havent you been doing that all day?

E:  its just been a trouble-shooting day

so I have done nothing on my list

me:  yeah, thats like...every morning from 8-11:15 for me

E:  so now I feel drained

me:  word

E:  which is why i'm being an adult now

me:  ok. im deciding adult life kinda sucks 85% of the time

E:  oh yeah, definitely

and we don't even get lots of the benefits

like having money to buy nice shoes

and cheese 

me:  haha i love that shoes and cheese are on the same level

why is cheese so delicious and so expensive??

E:  its a daily question for me

 ***

E: its so nice when people understand me

...or tumblrs understand me

me: haha i know

its hilarious

and helps your realize...im not the only one!

tumblrs= building solidarity

E: solidaridad

maybe mcc can fund some tumblrs

***

E:

just talking about the merits of different chaleco anti-balas (bullet proof vests)

my liiife

me: "things you will never hear discussed in the mcc office"

 ***

E:

carlos (boss) quote in real time "oigame, si se ha engordado" (listen to me, you have gotten fat)

to one of my coworkers

me: lol

"things you would never hear a boss say in N. America"

i like this game i just invented ;)

we should start a tumblr!

 ***

gchat: where our best ideas are born, and important topics are always up for discussion.

favorite things

can you tell I'm missing fall? I decided to give the blog a little refresh...and what better than fall leaves? I miss them so much! I was lucky to get a brief taste of fall last year (thanks to PG's wedding!)

Some of my favorite fall things include...

the leaves!

apple cider

warm scarves and jackets on a chilly, sunny day

pumpkin anything and everything. mostly lattes.

sleeping under a feather tic on a cold night, but leaving the window open

ooh. im getting too fall-sick...!

But its good to remember there are good things about living in eternal summer!
Here are some of my favorite things right now...

lychees or rambutan!

plato tipico


refreshing thunderstorms


pineapple and mango almost all the time

kebabalicious!

watching soccer games in a crowded mall food court and feeling the energy and excitement of qualifying for the world cup!



grilled steak with all the fixins (like avacado)

ok, so now im noticing how many of these revolve around food! But seriously--so many good things to be thankful for and appreciate, and learning to be satisfied with the place I find myself.

beach break

After a hectic September, I was really excited to have some vacation time. Last Saturday we celebrated the wedding of two great friends, Allison and Franklin, in Tegucigalpa. Allison became a very close friend when I lived in Nueva Suyapa. Not only did she show me the ropes of living in Teguc but we helped each other through many ups and downs and she really made my first year in Honduras so wonderful. Franklin was a co-worker in the bank program who also became a close friend. He loved to spend time talking about all sorts of intellectual things, and was always a positive encouragement. It was so fun to support these 2 great friends in the next step in their relationship.

helping the groom keep it together

Elise and I were asked to be "coordinators" which meant keeping track of the schedule, making sure everyone was where the need to be, and that all the wrinkles were ironed out. This is a tall order in a North American context...you can only imagine the chaos of this in Honduras where weddings are notorious for never starting on time (think hours different from what the invite says!). It was tiring, but we got it done! The things we do for our friends, right??

coordinating is serious, just ask elise

The day after the wedding some friends had convinced me that I really needed some vacation and I should join them for a beach get away in Roatan. Roatan is one of Honduras' 3 bay islands in the carribean. I have heard so much about it but never really took the plunge. It is very touristy and can be rather expensive, but Groupon and off-season make for a winning combo :) Here are a few pics of our tropical paradise.

where did it go?

I am sitting here trying to figure out where the time has gone! Only one post in September--sorry about that. The month passed by in such a whirlwind I can't believe it's October now!

September involved: a 2 week visit from my boss, a workshop with all of MCC's current partners, a team meeting with the new workers that came on board in August, partner visits in Teguc and a general assortment of reports and plans due to MCC in the US.

whew.

I get tired all over again just reading that list.

I did manage to take some pictures along the way so here is a look at the last month in more of a photo-essay style :) Oh, and the rodeo was the very last weekend of August...

the copaneco ready for the rodeo & fair, notice boots & belt buckle.
it is serious business.

the bulls for bull-riding

at our partner workshop, keeping ourselves awake :)

teaching some BIC pastors how to play dutch blitz. hilarious!

another "stay awake" activity. I promise we did do a lot of work

the participants at our partner workshop

preparing our reactions for the Honduras goal in the world cup qualifier that night.
sadly they didn't win.

oh--here is the proof we worked at the workshop...

hanging out at team meeting

our whole Honduras team (for now)

Thankful that TOMORROW I head to the capital city (once again) for a weekend of festivities for the wedding of two really great friends! Taking some vacation to enjoy the celebration, and a little beach trip on the side before I return to reality.

face to face

You may have heard the news story about the train in Mexico that derailed, killing many migrants riding on top who were trying to find a different life up north. I have read a lot about immigration and the long journey Central Americans have to overcome just to reach the US border, let alone get across it. You can check out a summary here and here.

john moore/getty images

But the images presented in this photo essay are haunting. They give a different glimpse of the struggle many people go through to find a better life. Real people--with names, families, histories. They have favorite futbol teams and favorite corner restaurants. They aren't just numbers in a system. They are real people. I know people just like them, who have made this same perilous journey and lived to tell about it. Their stories are incredible and scary. But they aren't told enough.

I hope you'll check out this moving photo essay.

http://www.theatlantic.com/infocus/2013/08/an-immigrants-journey/100573/