preparations part 1

I've been falling a bit behind in my blogging in this busy season, so here is the first of a few short posts to reflect on life. To reflect on the mystery of advent...a quiet fog, seeping into the cracks and crevices of life...not always tangible, but a persistent hope that always makes itself known...often when you least expect it and most need it.

An unofficial team gathering prompted me to unpack the Christmas baubles that I had tucked away from last year. We decided to celebrate Thanksgiving together on the last day of November and I wanted the house to be festive.

I collect nativity scenes because there is something about them that I just can't resist. Maybe it's the details that make each one unique. The reminders they offer of countries and cultures that I have visited. Or maybe it is the subtlety of each peaceful scene that calls me to find peaceful moments in my own life. Many that I have collected over the years are packed away in boxes at my parent's house. But I keep a few favorite ones with me and they were the first to be put out this year. A few touches of garland, bows, candles, poinsettias and one string of lights (I ran out of steam) was a small way to begin to welcome advent.

Our evening feast was a delicious time together and we talked about what we were thankful for. It was a great way to share some of my cultural traditions with friends and reflect on how blessed we are each and every day.

Although it was a busy and tiring weekend of hosting, it was really fun to share this meal with good friends and find renewed energy for the weeks ahead-when I needed it most!

letter to 17 year old me...

I read a post on a blog a few days that got under my skin...in a good way. The blogger wrote a letter to herself, as if writing 10 years earlier, reflecting on what lessons she had learned and what things she shouldn't have taken so seriously. At the end she threw out a question: What would you say to your former self, knowing what you do now? 

A flood of thoughts rippled through my mind, as if I was floating in a canoe down a river of memories from the last 10 years.  Would I give myself more work and career advice? Would I focus on relationships? Should I warn myself about mistakes that, if given the chance, would be convenient to "undo." The list was unending, the memories rich and vivid.

I thought how perfect it would be, now on the near-eve of my birthday, to look back 10 years and think about what I would have liked to know when I was a dorky, 17 year old girl in the midst of a stressful senior year, weighing the decisions of which college to attend.

I could tell her that Messiah was a great experience, that it was definitely a good fit for her and she will make some really awesome friendships that will last a long time.

I could tell her that life DOES get better than high school. It gets a lot better than getting turned down for prom, or not being athletic, or not getting a role in her senior musical. 

I could tell her that all her fears about going to Spain and all the tears she cried are not even worth worrying about because it is one of the best decisions she ever made.

Or maybe warn of some pitfalls with those guys who shall remain nameless. Or tell her that she really will cross paths with someone special that loves her for who she is.

Maybe it would be good to tell her about all the really fun stuff that she has to look forward to, 

the sights she will see, people that will shape her in measureless ways.

Then I stopped to think about this cumbersome list. I realized that that 17 year old girl desperately wanted someone to tell her all of that. She needed to know what the path ahead looked like, where it was going to twist and turn. She had to figure out where she would fall down, and who was going to be there to dust her off.  

But life doesn't work that way. 

And I'm actually thankful for that!

I realized that all of these "warnings" were moments where I had to take a step of faith. I had to make choices and live with my decisions. These were the moments that shaped me and made me the person I am. You can't go back and "re-do" it because there is a strength gained from the fear and trepidation that accompanies each new step of the journey. It's what we draw on when it is time for the next step.

As much as I think I could fill a whole notebook with advice for my darling 17 year old "carisita"...I can't! 
And this is a powerful realization--because it gives me courage to tell the 27 year old me to not be so afraid of the next steps. The path is unknown, and you can't see around the next curve--but that is just the moment where it starts to get interesting!

recently

The past few weeks have been crazy and quite stressful at work. But as always, I still find ways to have fun and unwind. Thought I would share some pictures of what I've been doing lately.

Over Thanksgiving I made a new friend here in Santa Rosa and through her have met a group of girls that I plan to meet with each week to do a book study. I'm really excited to build relationships with them and have been blessed already by knowing them in a few short weeks. I was able to enjoy some turkey and celebrate Thankgiving with these new friends.

The last day of November we had a fundraiser at church for the worship team. The money is going to help buy some new cords for mics and fix the drum set. We made "sopa de mondongo" that Hondurans love. I am NOT a fan (mondongo is tripe or cow intestines) but enjoyed the hectic-ness that is any church event. It was fun helping out prep veggies, prepare rice and tortillas to accompany the soup, and--I sold 15 plates!

cooking the mondongo...yuk.

Last weekend I taught Henry how to make sweet and sour meatballs:

And just yesterday Henry and I celebrated 1 year since our first date. He bought me dinner at an Italian restaurant here in town. We both had stressful, tiring weeks, so we just needed to unwind a little bit :)

bright spots

Last week was another roller-coaster ride of ups and downs in my work, but as I reflected on where I started  more than a year ago and where the women's groups are today, I can't help but be thankful for where God has brought us and what he is teaching me.

In 2 different communities I led another session on how to avoid losing money in your business, and why selling on credit is bad for your business. It was a lesson adapted from the material I wrote in my first year in Teguc, and it went over better than I thought. It was pretty interactive with lots of stories and discussion questions, and the women in both groups participated enthusiastically with plenty of personal experiences to beef up my simple examples. I loved it! It is always so fun for me to interact with the women and feel like they are learning something, but also that they can recognize how much  they already know and can apply to their fledgling enterprises.

Other exciting moments...
In one group, the women took seeds that ACDIM gave them a few weeks ago and they are already seeing sprouts in their small garden plots at the municipal office where they meet (yay for year round growing season!).

In the second group we visited, they were ready to purchase a piece of property where they can build a small structure for their bread-making business and other ventures. It was such a proud moment to see the women hand over 25,000 Lempiras (about $1250) of their own hard-earned, hard-fought money to pay the neighbor for a small plot of land. For them, it is a huge amount of money, and the fact that ACDIM did not give them one cent of it is pretty exciting. I told them they need to be proud of themselves for where they have come, and it's because of their own hard work and determination. To see the group start with 60 and work its way down to 14 or 15 faithful workers, to sit through trainings month after month, and now finally see some forward motion for their dedication--it's pretty awesome.

These moments help me remember why I am here and why I do this work. I care so much about these 4 groups of women and their well-being in the short and long term. They are up against a lot--don't get me wrong--and every week brings new obstacles. They need lots of things to keep their small businesses going, and we are doing the best we can with the little bit we have. We can't give them seed capital, or build them a building from the ground up.They face issues of division, pressure from other organizations who wish them ill, and any number of things that drag them down. But we are present with them, walking alongside them; not to pull or push (though sometimes, its hard not to!) but to encourage them, support them and offer what we have that may be of use to them. I never know what each week will bring, but it's the bright spots like this that help us keeping moving forward.

thanksgiving post

Every year on this blog I have posted a post-thanksgiving post...I guess this year I will be on time. It is hard to believe I am posting about thanksgiving for the 3rd time--that I am in the midst of my 3rd year here in Honduras. What a ride!

The recent elections here in Honduras (almost concurrent with US elections) have been on my mind a lot as the contrast in democratic processes in each country gives me a lot to think about. I just read today that certain members of the "resistance" party running for local office were killed before the primary elections and it continues to make my heart heavy. Not only for the corruption in politics, but what little value is placed on life in this country. It can't help but make me eternally grateful for where I was born and raised, and even for the government and rule of law that I take for granted in the U.S.

But I guess this is getting to heavy for a holiday post, eh?

So, as I think about what I am thankful for this year, many things come to mind. Big things like safety, health and family. And little-r things like having an oven to make a Thanksgiving dessert and a warm down comforter at night when my bedroom is freezing!

I am grateful that I live in a part of Honduras where I can enjoy relative safety as I walk around town, that I can be outdoors in fresh air spaces and enjoy the rural countryside.

I am thankful for new opportunities for growth as I participate in the worship team at my church.

I am thankful for my family and how important they are in my life; that we could share a few days together last month, and that they will be able to visit me very SOON!

I am thankful for my boyfriend Henry and how God is working in our lives as we grow and learn together. And I am thankful he will be able to meet my mom and dad in January (not sure if he feels the same ;)

I am thankful for friends and co-workers in Honduras who enrich my life and help me learn, adapt and enjoy all the ups and downs of my experience here.

It is my hope that everyone reading has a great Thanksgiving, doing whatever it is that warms your heart and helps you take a moment to be thankful for what you have. Enjoy!

post thanksgiving post

I am still stuffed from all the food I ate yesterday...it was so delicious! My MCC reps made a wonderful turkey feast and were kind enough to invite those of us close by to join in with them.

Although I missed being able to share this warm holiday with my family in Pennsylvania, I am blessed to have a chance to share with friends here in Honduras who have become like family while I am away.

I have some photos to share, but can't upload them yet, so you'll have to wait to see some of those.

The past few months have been challenging, and my coming back to Honduras has not been how I thought it would be. But that doesn't mean there isn't good to be found in the unexpected...and it definitely doesn't account for the ways that God is working in me and teaching me about contentment, solitude and living in the gray areas.

Thankful for...
My family who stays in touch, trys to send me packages, and always takes an interest in my life, whether I'm near or far away. love and miss you!

Friends in Honduras who keep tabs on me and come to visit when I am feeling lonely.

A new church family in Santa Rosa who has welcomed me with open arms.

Youth group locura that makes me feel like I'm still in high school some days...but that lets me know I'm already an important part of the gang.

The privilege of living and working in another country and how that shapes my perspective.

The privilege of my American passport, being able to travel, and having access to opportunities that many people can only dream about.

Being able to read and write and think critically about what is going on around me.

Having the chance to eat a delicious meal and have leftovers for 4 or 5 more times around.

The hope of advent and the change of seasons that refreshes and renews.

~Happy late Thanksgiving~

train games

leftovers!!

before: =cold turkey leg + rootbeer float...what could be better...

after.

mail from afar

Mail is not a simple process here in Honduras. No one really has an address (at least where I live) and there are only 2 places in the city where you can receive mail. I’m pretty certain you can only send packages or letters from 1 of those 2. The 1^st place is downtown in the center of the city. Only having been there once, it was a complicated process to find where you could retrieve your package.

The other place to pick up packages is the airport. And of course, it is neither a simple nor expedited process. But, last week at work I received a package slip that meant a box was waiting for me at the airport! (Another unsolved mystery is how these package slips arrive to your office). Of course, the package place is not open on the weekends (when one might be at the airport, say, dropping off their visiting friend…), so I bummed a ride from a friend who went to the airport on Wednesday.

First, you present your slip. Then they try and find your box in a crazy disarray of cardboarded-mayhem and postage paraphernalia. Then you must present ID to confirm you are the person on the slip. From the experience of my friend Allison, you can only pick up another person’s package with a hand-written  note of permission, signed in blood, completed with a DNA sample. (Just kidding about that last part. You don’t need a DNA sample). Then, they look up your name and package number in a hand-written notebook, of which there are several. I have no idea what kind of official process this is, but I don’t ask. Then you must sign your name in the notebook. Then sign another slip saying I received the package.

After all of this, you still must pay for your package (yeah, you’d think the postage should take care of that!)…so you must also sign the receipt and wait while the desk clerk runs around and asks every employee if they have change for you 100 lempira bill. I mean, people are paying for packages all day, but why would they have change? Silly me, no one in Honduras ever does!

But then…if you make it through all these hoops—you got to the airport (for free!), you had your ID (with DNA sample), you paid for the package (again!) and you signed your life away to the national post office—you are rewarded with the holy grail. The most coveted item as a foreigner living away from home. You have in your possession an 18 pound box of nothing but sugar, sugar and more sugar…and it is GOOD J

post-thanksgiving post

While the climate here does not tell me it is Thanksgiving, nor is there any kind of black Friday here in Honduras, I am reminded of how much I have to be thankful for in this wonderful season of life. Yesterday was a pretty ordinary day, no turkey, no football, no family get together [ :( ] but it was still good...and I think its a great thing to reflect on how much I have to be thankful for each day.

As I write this post, I'm sitting in a hammock, looking out over the rolling green mountains of Copan (I know, its a little ridiculous, and yes I wanted to make you a tad bit jealous as you are eating your leftover turkey and stuffing!!)

So lets start with the most immediate things I'm thankful for... (in no particular order :)

-- a relaxing few day of vacation with one of my best friends who took the time and energy to come and visit me right here in Honduras! You don't find friends like Harmony just any day of the year, and I'm so grateful God put her in my life 4 years ago when I really needed her :)
-- a great host family in Nueva Suyapa and the richness they bring to my Honduran life.
--for friends who are celebrating birthdays today, and another year of life, both near (Johanna, MCC friend) and far (Becky B. in Colorado who I miss dearly!)
--for a wonderful family who loves me so much and will even bend over backwards to do special things for me...like send care packages and buy expensive plane tickets to make sure their daughter isn't too homesick over Christmas. I couldn't ask for better parents. love you so much.
-- for 2 sisters and a brother-in-law who mean more to me than most anything in the world :)
-- for health and safety thus far in the journey
-- for 2 great gringa friends who are always willing to share in the most ridiculous of Honduran moments and the tough ones too. I could not make it through the week without knowing they are only a text or call away!
--for the guy who takes the time to get to know me, across the miles, despite the terrible internet fiascos and my work-in-progress espanol
--for a network of MCCers in Honduras who are so fun to be with and truly care for me and my well-being.
--for a little computer that keeps me connected to the important people in my life

As I sat in a roof-top cafe last night with Harmony we were reflecting how different life was only 1 year ago at this time...at Thanksgiving last year there were so many things different about my life...so many friends who weren't even engaged and are now planning weddings, others who weren't even pregnant and now have a new little person in their family...it blows me away to think of how many people in my life I didn't even know a year ago...nor did I have any inkling I would be spending Thankgiving and Christmas of 2010 in Honduras! Its so fun to think back on what I didn't know then...and it makes me so excited to think about what I don't even know will be in my life next year at this time.

Thankful for a God who holds it all together in his hands, the good and the bad...the beautiful and the imperfect, the knowable and the unknown...what a great blessing to be one little person in his giant picture.
Happy Thankfulness reflecting to all of you.
Love and hugs!