the indirectness of it all...

There are days when I wonder how I will ever adjust to working in a North American office setting ever again...
...where you don't get to take breaks for baleadas whenever the urge strikes
...where friends don't stop by to plan the next soccer game or discuss church happenings, never concerned with what "work" they might be interrupting
...where delivery trucks and their fumes don't give you a headache on a regular basis
...where stray dogs can't just wander inside
...where women selling lorocco and tamales pass by several times a day
...where people can speak directly to one another and not beat around the bush.

Some days, I don't know how much more of the indirectness I can handle.
Here is a transcription of one small example of my life in the office of ACDIM:

(O is my co-worker, I am C)

O: "charissa i think i need to buy an envelope. do you think I might be able to find an envelope around here? ...i think i need an envelope."

(C produces envelope from drawer)

O: this is a good envelope. exactly what i needed.

O: "but i mean i mean do you think we can put the name on it, or i mean...how...? no you probably can't use the printer, right? i mean, how will we put his name on it?"

(2 minutes of hmmm, what can we do...how will i do this, etc...)

O:"i guess we should just write the name on it, no?"

C: "yep."

(2 more minutes of personal debate, aloud)

O:"maybe you have better writing than me, don't you think?"

C: "...yes. do you want me to do it? i will do it. tell me how you want it."
(proceed with 3 more minutes of directing my exact placement of the words on the envelope, questioning how it should be addressed, then when i give my suggestion changing it anyway...then telling me my capital letters aren't capital letters and maybe we should re-do it.)

I think after 15 minutes, we had a simple white enevelope, with a very complicated title, that some municipal officer will not even notice, and probably not even read the letter inside. awesome.

some days...I just can't take it. so I have to blog-it-out :)

blessed are...

[my blog post was featured on the MCC Latin American Advocacy blog! Same post, but with some fancy artwork. Interesting blog too]

Blessed are those who mourn,
   for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek,
   for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
   for they will be filled.
Blessed are the merciful,
   for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart,
   for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers,
   for they will be called children of God.
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
   for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Sometimes there are no other words to express all the feelings that well up inside me. And even at times, these words that have been passed down to generation after generation of believers still feel insufficient.

It has been a long week...and one with a lot of questions. Why does God allow terrible things to happen? Why do God-fearing, God-following people suffer and those who don't follow Christ not seem to suffer at all? How can I provide comfort to people who understand the reality of injustice much more than I ever can?

How can we as Christians who talk and talk and talk about justice make any kind of change in a dangerous and violent society where people are too afraid to speak out?

This week took a shocking turn for my church family in Santa Rosa when one of our brothers was brutally killed after preaching at another church a few minutes outside of town. This man was a well-respected member of our church, always humble and caring, always with a smile and a joking word. He was also a mentor within the youth group and will be greatly missed as a father-figure for many kids, not just his own.

Although it has not been easy, it has been a privilege to be part of this church community and share in their pain this week. To walk along side them and share in the grieving process has taught me a lot already and continues to stretch me in my relationships with friends and in my faith.

When faced with situations of injustice and pain, my first reaction is often one of anger and frustration. Then I think, "ok, but what are we going to DO about it?" Taking action feels like the only correct response, and if I'm not actively pursuing something, then I'm not doing enough. But perhaps we need a change in our thinking. To allow ourselves the freedom to be still for a moment (or two), to mourn, weep, question, beat our chest and dwell in the tragedy and pain. 

It was only in reading the thoughts of others that I was able to allow myself this space for lament and mourning:

The antiquated notion of lamentation points us in a direction opposite to our contemporary impulses. We are conditioned to respond to a problem...by identifying a course of action and mustering as much resolve as possible in an effort to make a positive difference. The standard operating principles – which have their place – include effort, productive change and hope. Lamentation derails that. It provides a sacred space in which to expose our shadiest feelings. 

I need this. I can’t carry all [of this] with me. 

Lamentation is a space in which we do not need to hide or minimize these normally frowned-upon sentiments...In lament, we walk straight into the darkness, the valley of shadows, and stay there as long as necessary. 

Nancy Duff, a professor at Princeton Theological Seminary and an advocate of reviving lamentation, writes that usually “we are taught that true faith in God mitigates such intense feelings” as the ones we might express in lament. Similarly, theologian Walter Brueggemann notes the common and, in his view, unfortunate belief that good Christians do not “acknowledge and embrace negativity.” 

But the biblical lamenters – who wrote a full third of the Psalms – make an art out of our impropriety. They express desire for harsh vengeance (“Happy shall they be who take [the Babylonians’] little ones and dash them against the rock.” Ps 137:9); they make brazen accusations against God (“You [God] have renounced the covenant with your servant.” Ps 89:39); and they cry out in utter despair (“How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?” Ps 13:1). This is not how I was taught to pray in Sunday School. 

Lamentation even allows us to give up. Duff says it “allows us to rely on God and the community to carry forth hope on our behalf when we ourselves have no hope in us.”

 I know that my community here is NOT without hope and have already seen a vibrant strength in the midst of tragedy...but I am asking my broader community to carry forth the hope on our behalf, because sometimes even our most resilient faith can be hard to find.

[quoted text from Will Braun. full article here]

to Guatemala and back

If you are following the pattern of my blog posts you might start to think that all I do is take vacation and visit other MCCers...and, you wouldn't be too far from the truth.

I just got back from another MCC retreat, but this time it was a bit different. We had the opportunity to travel to Guatemala for the MesoAmerica retreat of MCCers from the region (Mexico, Guate, El Salvador, Honduras, Nicaragua & Costa Rica). It was a LOT of hours on buses to reach our final destination, Santiago de Atitlan on the beautiful Lake Atitlan of Guatemala, but well worth the journey.

We had time together as an MCC Honduras team, one of our last with the Stephens family who are leaving us shortly :( and we had a lot of time to meet other MCCers living and working in Central America.

The place we stayed was beautiful and provided some opportunities to do a little tourist-ing (of course mixed in with plenty of serious sessions concerning our work!)

So of course I only have pictures of the fun stuff--being touristy. But I also have some videos of our wonderfully gifted and spirited MCC Honduras team performing at the talent show. There weren't prizes, but I'm sure if there were, our rousing version of "My Favorite Things" (from the soon to be released "El Sonido de La Musica") would have been awarded first place. We are pretty clever. I'm surprised you didn't know that ;)

lake atitlan

team honduras

enjoy the video :)

 Here are the lyrics in case you can't fully understand the Spanglish...

Favorite things 

Mountains and beaches and Copan Ruinas

ceramica Lenca aves y leechas

gente amable que nos da amor, (kind people who give us love)

this is what I came to Honduras for.

Pineapple, mango and fresh avocados

frijoles, chuletas y ricos licuados  (beans, pork chops and smoothies)

baleadas abundan a diez lempiras (baleadas abound at 10 lempiras)

estas son mis cosas favoritas  (these are my favorite things)

Se fue la luz-- no viene el agua  (the lights went out! the water didn't come)

vienen ladrones ya!  (here come robbers)

I simply remember my favorite things

and then I don't feel "tan mal" (then i dont feel so bad)

¿Que onda loco?  -- Todo macizo! (what's up man, everything's cool)

Que barbaridad que no tengo pisto. (what a barbarity (?) i dont have any money)

Pucha, que basura, vaya pues, cheke leke, (dang it! what garbage! ok, it's all good)

these are a few things catrachos say.

MCM y Proyecto MAMA

donde trabajo cada mañana (where i work every morning)

ASJ, CODESO, ACDIM…

partners are some of my favorite things.

Huracanes,  inundaciones (hurricanes, floods)

team Giardia,

I simply remember my favorite things 

and then I don't feel "tan mal"

feliz 2012

Happy New Year friends and family...or as we say here, feliz año nuevo!

I just got back from a nice loooong break and "vacation" in Tegucigalpa. I decided since I couldn't make it home to the states to be with my real family, the next best thing was being in Teguc with my Honduran family, and my MCC family :)

So, after a long 8 hours on a bus, I left the safe cocoon of Santa Rosa for a 10 day big city adventure. I took advantage of all the shopping the capital has to offer, not to mention restaurant and transportation options :)

My week included:
catching up with the host family on all the current events...going to the mall...eating the most delicious baleadas in honduras...traveling to choluteca for a day of tourism...learning to make christmas torrejas...playing dutch blitz with the brothers...watching tv...sleeping in a lot...taking rapiditos all over town....jumping at the sound of firecrackers at all hours of the day and nite...eating frozen yogurt!...going to the movie theatre where you can choose which movie you want to see...eating lots of beans...attending a friend's wedding...drinking lots of coffee...sharing holiday meals with good gringo friends...buying a fleece jacket for an upcoming trip to Guatemala...being heckled by men on the corner...heckling taxi drivers for being difficult...kind of learning how to dance bachata...wrapping presents for the bank program c-mas party...laughing and joking with the host family about everything and anything...laughing at people stepping in puppy pee around the house...taking bucket showers again...eating at the best pupusa restaurant in Teguc...

there might have been some more stuff, but this gives you a good idea. Generally I loved being back at "home" and catching up with a lot of great people.

Hope you all had a great holiday season and rang in the new year with good friends and family.
Excited to see what 2012 has in store :)

host bro showing off the new shirt

out to eat with the fam...the usual chaos ensued...

loved spending lots of time with this girl

favorite friends who live in Suyapa (minus one!)

good friends...old and new

advent

Advent is one of my favorite times of year. I always enjoy the traditions we celebrate in church, relishing a time of anticipation and taking time to think about what expectant waiting really means.

Unfortunately, I have not yet found an evangelical church in Honduras that really embraces these traditions of advent that are so dear to me. I tried to explain it to my coworker and fellow church member and his eyes glazed over a little bit as I tried to explain an advent wreath. Oh well...at least I tried.

So this year and last I tried to make time in my own prayer life to focus on some advent reflections. My mom sent me a cool advent booklet of reflections by Henry Nouwen which I have been enjoying. I just wanted to share one passage in particular that really spoke to me.

 In the last days
   the mountain of the LORD’s temple will be established
   as the highest of the mountains;
it will be exalted above the hills,
   and all nations will stream to it.
 Many peoples will come and say,
   “Come, let us go up to the mountain of the LORD,
   to the temple of the God of Jacob.
He will teach us his ways,
   so that we may walk in his paths.” Isaiah 2:2-3 

"As prayer leads us into the house of God and God's people, so action leads us back into the world to work there for reconciliation, unity and peace. Once we have come to know the truth we want to act truthfully and reveal to the world its true nature. All Christian action--whether it is visiting the sick, feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, or working for a more just and peaceful society--is a manifestation of the human solidarity revealed to us in the house of God.

It is not an anxious human effort to create a better world.
It is a confident expression of the truth that in Christ, death, evil, and destruction have been overcome.
It is not a fearful attempt to restore a broken order.
It is a joyful assertion that in Christ all order has already been restored.
It is not a nervous effort to bring divided people together,
but a celebration of an already established unity.

This action is not activism. An activist wants to heal, restore, redeem, and re-create, but those acting within the house of God point through their action to the healing, restoring, redeeming, and re-creating presence of God."

Good food for thought. May you be filled with a sense of joyful anticipation of the second coming of Jesus as we remember the first time the world witnessed Emmanuel in the flesh.

Feliz Navidad and Merry Christmas :)

good eats.

It has been a busy week or two since I last posted about Thanksgiving, and it seems that time is only going faster and faster as the holidays approach. Not that I am sad about that prospect! I am glad to have weeks that are busy and weekends that are full of activity and social events.

This past weekend I was able to host 4 MCC friends in Santa Rosa~ our connecting people's coordinator plus the 3 SALTers. It was a busy time, making sure they knew how to get around and figuring out meals and taking them here and there, but it was fun. I enjoy showing people around town and sharing the people who have become important in my life in Santa Rosa.

In showing off my mad baking skills to my MCC buddies (yep, I made brownies in my toaster oven), I realized that I have not shared my latest cooking adventures with my blog readers.

warm apple crisp...a little more "crisp" than intended...

carmelized onion, spinach and olive oil bread
...good til the spinach started to smell funky

my most colorful meal yet!
my own version of un-stuffed pepers and stir-fried zucchini

brownies in the baby oven! even made portion-controlled brownie cups

fresh squeezed orange juice, anyone? the fruit was from ladies in the community where we work.
soooooo sweet, no sugar needed

I have also been excited to begin advent season, though I greatly miss the traditions of the church that I have become used to as part of advent preparation. I will share some thoughts on advent things in the near future.

Hope you are enjoying the anticipation of the holidays wherever you may be.