letter to 17 year old me...

I read a post on a blog a few days that got under my skin...in a good way. The blogger wrote a letter to herself, as if writing 10 years earlier, reflecting on what lessons she had learned and what things she shouldn't have taken so seriously. At the end she threw out a question: What would you say to your former self, knowing what you do now? 

A flood of thoughts rippled through my mind, as if I was floating in a canoe down a river of memories from the last 10 years.  Would I give myself more work and career advice? Would I focus on relationships? Should I warn myself about mistakes that, if given the chance, would be convenient to "undo." The list was unending, the memories rich and vivid.

I thought how perfect it would be, now on the near-eve of my birthday, to look back 10 years and think about what I would have liked to know when I was a dorky, 17 year old girl in the midst of a stressful senior year, weighing the decisions of which college to attend.

I could tell her that Messiah was a great experience, that it was definitely a good fit for her and she will make some really awesome friendships that will last a long time.

I could tell her that life DOES get better than high school. It gets a lot better than getting turned down for prom, or not being athletic, or not getting a role in her senior musical. 

I could tell her that all her fears about going to Spain and all the tears she cried are not even worth worrying about because it is one of the best decisions she ever made.

Or maybe warn of some pitfalls with those guys who shall remain nameless. Or tell her that she really will cross paths with someone special that loves her for who she is.

Maybe it would be good to tell her about all the really fun stuff that she has to look forward to, 

the sights she will see, people that will shape her in measureless ways.

Then I stopped to think about this cumbersome list. I realized that that 17 year old girl desperately wanted someone to tell her all of that. She needed to know what the path ahead looked like, where it was going to twist and turn. She had to figure out where she would fall down, and who was going to be there to dust her off.  

But life doesn't work that way. 

And I'm actually thankful for that!

I realized that all of these "warnings" were moments where I had to take a step of faith. I had to make choices and live with my decisions. These were the moments that shaped me and made me the person I am. You can't go back and "re-do" it because there is a strength gained from the fear and trepidation that accompanies each new step of the journey. It's what we draw on when it is time for the next step.

As much as I think I could fill a whole notebook with advice for my darling 17 year old "carisita"...I can't! 
And this is a powerful realization--because it gives me courage to tell the 27 year old me to not be so afraid of the next steps. The path is unknown, and you can't see around the next curve--but that is just the moment where it starts to get interesting!